When I got home from work today I asked Donnie how his day at school was. The usual reply is a casual, "oh, it was good. Still on green." His school uses the green/yellow/red behavior monitor, and Donnie is a pretty good kid, so green is his norm.
Today he said, "not so good. I'm on red." This was a surprise to my mother, who picked him up from school. He then started crying so hard that he couldn't tell me why he was on red. I hugged him, sent him to the reading room to calm down and went to find his adgenda. On the place for today's date, next to a big red frown face was a note that said he was automatically sent to red today. This is something that is saved for big behavior events like fighting.
"Donnie was playing the chase game with two other boys. He was having fun. When he decided he didn't want to play anymore he told the boys he wanted to stop. When they didn't stop he said, "I will crucify you on the cross." I actually gasped out loud. Donnie heard me and started freaking out in the other room.
I sent him to his room and asked my mom for advice.She has three kids in their 30's. That's over 90 years of parenting experience. Her response was "you didn't know that much about Easter at his age, and we didn't have anything but detention. Figure it out for yourself." Nice. Helpful.
I went to his room and he was crying and saying that he never wanted to say that again. We talked about why he said it, and what he should have said instead. He is still inconsolable as I sit here typing this. He then made a request that is utterly unusual for him. He asked to be alone. Donnie has never asked for that before. He usually wants to be held until he feels better. And then it hit me.
He is ashamed. I think that for the first time in his life he is feeling real shame.
I want so much to go in there an hold him, because more than anything in the world I hate to feel ashamed. I'm not going to, though. I think that he has to work this one out in his own mind.
1 comments:
Oh my! I'd say he felt pretty strongly about those boys leaving him alone. Poor guy. In the heat of the moment we all say things we regret, but I hate for your sweet boy to have to know that feeling of regret.
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